Going to Mikveh with Trauma or Pain of Infertility

The mikveh, a ritual bath in Jewish tradition, serves as a profound symbol of purity, renewal, and connection. For many women, it marks significant life transitions—be it marriage, childbirth, or the end of menstruation. However, for those facing trauma, undergoing in vitro fertilization (IVF), or struggling with fertility issues, the mikveh can evoke a complex mix of emotions. Understanding and addressing these feelings is crucial for both individual well-being and marital harmony.

Traditionally, the mikveh represents a woman’s return to a state of spiritual purity, allowing for renewed intimacy with one’s partner. Yet, for women dealing with infertility or past traumas, the experience can be laden with feelings of grief, frustration, and isolation. The cyclical nature of monthly immersions, especially when coupled with unsuccessful fertility treatments, can amplify these emotions. As one woman poignantly shared, immersing in the mikvah during her fertility journey felt like “another failed cycle, another flicker of hope lost.”  

For couples undergoing IVF, the mikveh can serve as a bridge between medical intervention and spiritual healing. Aligning IVF procedures with mikveh immersion offers a holistic approach to conception. 

For some, the mikveh is intertwined with past traumas, making immersion a challenging endeavor. Revisiting the mikveh after traumatic experiences requires careful consideration and support. One woman recounted her return to the mikveh decades after her initial immersion, highlighting the emotional complexities of revisiting such a sacred space. She noted that this time, she sought to “sanctify the changes in my body, to offer gratitude for the miracles of good health and creation.” This sentiment underscores the importance of approaching the mikveh with sensitivity to individual histories.

Husbands play a pivotal role in supporting their wives through the mikveh journey, especially when faced with infertility or trauma. Active involvement can strengthen marital bonds and provide emotional stability. 

• Educating Themselves: Understanding the spiritual and emotional significance of the mikveh can foster empathy and meaningful dialogue.

• Providing Emotional Presence: Being attentive listeners and offering reassurance can alleviate feelings of isolation.

As we look toward the future, it’s clear that the mikveh experience can be so much more than a ritual of purification—it can become a journey of emotional healing and empowerment for women. Today, as we navigate a world full of new challenges and changing perspectives, it is essential that we recognize the diverse ways women experience mikveh, particularly in the context of trauma, IVF, anxiety, and fear.

Our collective understanding of mikveh must evolve to be more than just a halachic requirement; it must be a source of support, care, and dignity. For many women, this means having a compassionate and knowledgeable support system available before and after their mikveh experience. Providing personalized care and addressing concerns like emotional well-being, trauma, or infertility can make an incredibly positive difference.

My name is Ros Bakst and I am married and have three children, all married now plus two grandchildren, B"H. My children are all a result of IVF having not been able to conceive for many years. We live now in the Golan on a moshav after living in Kiryat Hasharon, Netanya for over twenty years. I enjoy writing for myself as a form of therapy and feel that I would now love to share more of what I have written to help others in any small way I can. This is a subject very close to my heart.