🌸 5 Things You Can Ask the Balanit for a More Comfortable Mikveh Experience

For many women, immersing in the mikveh is one of the most private and spiritual moments of the month, a time for reflection, renewal, and connection. 

Yet, even in such a sacred space, it’s not only allowed but essential to advocate for your comfort and sense of dignity. The balanit (mikveh attendant) is there to ensure everything is done according to halacha, but she is also there to support you as an individual and help you feel your best. By speaking up about your needs and preferences, you can transform your mikveh experience into something more fulfilling, peaceful, and personal. 

Here are five simple ways you can partner with the balanit to make your mikveh visit truly meaningful. (For those challenged by Hebrew in Israeli mikvaot, we’ve included suggestions at the bottom of the post for how to get across your message in Hebrew).

1. Ask the balanit to turn around (or wait outside) while you enter the water

It’s completely acceptable to request privacy when stepping into the water. Some women prefer that the attendant turn around while they enter the water or even wait outside until they are ready to immerse. You can simply say, “Would you mind turning around until I’m in the water?” (האם תוכלי בבקשה להסתובב עד שאהיה במים) or “Can you please wait outside until I’m in the mikveh, and I’ll call you in.”  (האם תוכלי בבקשה לחכות בחוץ עד שאכנס למקווה, ואז אקרא לך) This small step can help you feel calmer and more focused on the moment.

2. Let the attendant know if you want/don’t want your head covered when saying the bracha

Traditions vary when it comes to reciting the bracha in the mikveh; some women cover their heads with a towel or robe during the bracha, while others do not cover at all. It’s helpful to remember that there’s no one “right way”. What matters is honoring your minhag, your halakhic choice and your own comfort. 

Don’t hesitate to gently let your balanit know your preference so she can respect it and help your experience feel authentic. For example, you could say, “I prefer if you don’t cover my head when I say the bracha,” (אני מעדיפה שלא תכסיי לי את הראש כשאני אומרת את הברכה) or share any detail about how you’d like this moment to unfold. Even a short clarification makes a difference: it ensures that the moment that you make the bracha is not only halakhically correct but also feels right and familiar for you. By expressing your custom, you create a space where both tradition and personal meaning can be honored together.

3. Ask for a quiet minute to daven after your immersion

After your final immersion, it’s a special time — you’re compared to a kallah, and your tefillot are said to be especially powerful. If you’d like to use that moment to daven, for your family, for your relationship, for health, for the Jewish people, you can gently ask the balanit, “Could I please have a minute to daven before I get out?” (האם אוכל בבקשה רגע להתפלל לפני שאצא). It’s also fine to request that she not be in the mikveh room at that time. ("Can I please have a minute alone in the water?" or האם אוכל בבקשה רגע לבד במים)

Having a few minutes on your own can be especially meaningful and make the difference in how you experience your tevilla. 

4. Let her know if you want her help in checking 

In some communities, the balanit offers to check that a woman is fully prepared for immersion — but halachically, this is not required. The mitzvah of tevilah is yours, and you are fully trusted to do it completely. You can ask her to check something, or let her know that you’re okay by saying something like, “I’ve checked myself and I’m ready.” (תודה כבר בדקתי את עצמי ואני מוכנה). If you’re more comfortable that way, you can simply let her know. It’s a respectful and completely acceptable choice, and it allows you to maintain your own sense of ownership and dignity in this mitzvah.

5. Communicate any sensitivities or needs in advance

Whether it’s a health issue, modesty concern, recent life change, or simply wanting a quieter, slower experience, let the balanit know. You can tell her ahead of time or mention it when you are about to enter the mikveh, though it’s often more pleasant when you are still dressed, rather than when you are about to go into the mikveh. The more she knows about your needs, the better she can help create a respectful and supportive atmosphere for you. Remember: You deserve to feel cared for in this mitzvah.

💧 The takeaway

The mikveh is a place of renewal, purity, and deep connection. Every woman’s relationship with this mitzvah is unique — and it’s okay to make it your own. A few respectful requests can turn the experience from routine into transformative.

When you honor your own comfort, you honor the mitzvah itself.