Chuppah Reflections

Ever been at a gathering and something breaks accidentally and, at the sound of shattering glass everyone jokingly shouts “Mazal tov!”? It’s one of the most ironic reactions embedded into our Jewish culture – that the sound of breaking glass triggers a raucous shout of joy and celebration. The irony, as I mentioned, is because the whole purpose of the breaking of the glass at the wedding chuppah ceremony is meant to be the exact opposite. It’s meant to be a moment where we pause from the joy and remember the brokenness and loss around us. When we put the memory and longing for a rebuilt Jerusalem and a unified nation above the elation and joy of the personal moment. But because it’s traditionally the last act done during the chuppah, the breaking glass is also the first post-chuppah moment of celebration.

Hence the ironic association and reaction.

Photo by Sandip Kalal on Unsplash

In the recent years there is a practice that has become quite common, to break the glass – together with the recitation of the pasuk “Im Eshkachech Yerushalayim”- earlier in the chuppah ceremony so that it won’t trigger celebration and can be the moment it is meant to be. Somber, Serious, bigger than just this chuppah. Sometimes the emcee or Mesader Kiddushin will even announce that there should not be applause and cheering after the breaking of the glass.

It’s no use. I’ve been at several weddings recently where, despite the shift in placement in the ceremony and even despite the instructions given (I mean, in any case Israeli’s are not known for their rule following, but still...) and despite the band’s best effort to launch into the appropriate tune immediately upon the breaking of the glass, the crowd can’t help themselves. Celebration bursts out. Muscle memory wins and there is always some cheering. What ensues is a mix of cheering, clapping, happy singing, somber singing, while the band plays the intense and meaningful song of Jerusalem

It’s a little messy and it’s perfect. It is profound and real and holds so much.

It’s a mix of broken Jerusalem and the hopeful beginning of a new family. It’s the place where national and personal meet. It’s everyone all together while each one goes in a slightly different direction. It’s the way things have always been done together with mindful change in a smudgy process as opposed to a clear line.

The first couple of times I witnessed this I found it amusing. Then, especially once the war started and I was always carrying such a mix of intense emotions watching a chuppah, I realized that I love that moment. It’s deeply honest and complex – like ritual, like Torah, like Judaism.

May we, as individuals and as a nation, always have an ability to celebrate that won’t be held back and joy that can be heard above all else.

Chana Even-chen is a Torah educator. She teaches Kallot and couples across the religious spectrum. She is involved in Mikvah education through The Eden Center and co-hosts their "Medical Matters" podcast.