But as the time drew near, I pushed these fair arguments out of my head and just took it one step at a time. I cleaned myself in a halachic permitting manner, checked myself, walked out of the house (I left my children with my guests) and trekked to the Mikvah...

When my husband Josh z”l passed away on May 18, 2023, I felt as though much of my own identity was lost with him. There are countless books on aveilut, on personal grief, and on family grief... Yet I have not found words that speak to the widow’s loss, to my loss, of religious identity.

What does it feel like when someone witnesses you with love in their eyes? A mikveh attendant has incredible power as a witness.

At its core, Judaism teaches the concept of Tzelem Elokim—that every person is created in the image of the Divine. That means your body, exactly as it is right now, holds holiness.

Learning to love and live in a body that feels like it keeps breaking your heart—finding strength, healing, and acceptance after repeated loss.

After 27 years and over 600 immersions, my journey with the mikvah has become a tapestry of commitment, growth, and personal stories—shaping my marriage, identity, and spiritual life.